Yes, the door will open

In centering prayer, we withdraw our attention from the ordinary flow of thoughts. We tend to identify ourselves with that flow… --Fr. Thomas Keathing, Open Mind, Open Heart, page 19 

I recall that for the longest time I thought I knew what centering prayer was by virtue of knowing--having read--something about it. At this point of my life, I can confess what was really going on is that I wanted to appear to others as if I knew more than I did, as if knowing had anything to do with it! Deeper than that though, I had a sense that there was something there, like the irresistible scent of God.

You cannot be where you are not, or as Jon Kabat-Zinn titled his popular book, Wherever You Go, There You Are. These aphorisms are as manifestly true of the interior life as they literally are true of one's physical being in space. 

So, in these words I want to offer my simple insight about Fr. Keating’s comment above about identifying with our ordinary flow of thoughts. I wish to describe something that I now experience firsthand to be true in the event that these words may be helpful to a reader who has not yet shared the same experience or is not yet aware of it. And more generally, I wish to do this because it leads somewhere good, profound, and transformative.

This insight about the flow of ideas is a keyhole of sorts. I can point to it. "There, over there is a door; the keyhole is at the center of the door," but until you find the door, insert and turn your own key, and wait for the door to open, you cannot see what lies beyond it. We certainly can read about this from writers who have had the experience, but seeing for yourself is what I'm writing about here.

“…the ordinary flow of thoughts…” Our thoughts are like the water the fish swims in, or the air we breathe. These facts of reality are so persistently ubiquitous in their presence and influence upon us that we are astounded to learn of their existence at all! In the case of the "flow of thoughts," it isn't that we are unaware of our incessant thinking; we are all too aware of this! It is that we are blind to the realization that we identify our actual being with this flow of thinking. Being identified means that I am what I think... but the wisdom of our spiritual elders points to the door and keyhole and says, "this [identification] is an illusion." We have floated along with the current of our internal thoughts for so long that we do not recognize ourselves as independent or different from our thoughts. Consciousness is not the same as thinking; my Being (my true self as God's child) is not equivalent to my flow of thoughts.

Centering prayer gradually enables us to observe this flow of thoughts and after much work and practice, to see what lies beneath them (which has to do with the formation of personality, but that’s another topic altogether). Maybe this sounds fantastical? Ponder the concept though: for how long have you been living under the constant rainstorm of your mind's flow of thoughts? All my life; 24/7 x 46 years!

Withdrawing our attention from the ordinary flow of thoughts as we do in centering prayer is not restraining or suppressing those thoughts, it’s simply releasing our engagement and returning to openness in God's presence. When we lose ourselves in the current of the flow, we release and return. We let go and return to our intention, over and over… and over time this action of letting-go and returning changes us.

We are intricate, complex, dynamic systems. Any change within the system necessarily changes the whole system, however slight. This seemingly simple act of regularly practicing centering prayer will change your mind, literally. Contemplation in Christ's presence changes how one perceives, encounters, and reacts to reality, thus how one lives in Christ. Some might call this being reborn or being made new a creation.

With consistent practice, attention, and right intention, there will come a point in time when the door opens and you see a whole reality of being that, though always present, was yet inaccessible. Why? Because you cannot be where you are not. 

What might it mean to know by experience the truth that you, God’s child, are a being of eternal light and love apart from the flow of ideas that seem quite other than whole or holy? What would it mean then to see this truth in others, even if they don’t yet see it?

It is true. You, your true essence and being, you are not the flow of your thoughts. I read about this, but until I experienced it I didn't stand in the truth of it, and that makes a world of difference. I regress and identify with the flow--but less than before.

Centering prayer and other contemplative practices disentangle us from the illusions and flow of narratives that resound within us…and with which we identify. That flow is like the worst TV channel ever, a 24-hour broadcast of nothing but terrible advertisements about my insecurities, worries, and fears! But freedom is as simple as the practice of letting go and returning to God's presence and action within--over and over and over in silence, trusting in God's presence and action, goodness and love of us.

So, I invite you to make a serious commitment to your practice. It may be that forming a small accountability group (or a sole partner) will give you the support and encouragement you need to begin, to persist, or to grow in faithfulness to a practice. There are no shortcuts. Then, one day that door will open, and the things you have read by contemplative teachers, the things articulated in our liturgies and hymnody will recalibrate and unfurl in new tapestries and treasures, revealing new heights, new depths, new bread and wine to satisfy your hunger and thirst for the mystery of God with us.

All peace be with us,

John